“No” is a Complete Sentence.
It is interesting how we often feel the need to justify saying No. It is as if the default mode of life should always be to say yes, and saying no should be reserved for emergencies.
I don’t believe this to be the case. I feel that saying no should be the default way. This may sound like a negative attitude to life, but it’s not. The issue is that we all have limited time and energy, and saying yes to everything means we must do everything — badly.
It is better to do one thing and do it well instead of trying to do 100 things and do them all badly. At a basic level, the economy pays well for specialists, not generalists, but this goes beyond earning potential to just having the ability to live a tranquil life.
Just because we have time does not mean we should squeeze the oranges of life until every living, breathing moment is productive. We need downtime, and some of our best decisions come from staring out of the window aimlessly while on a long train journey.
That said, I love getting down and focussing on something, whether it is a piece of work I need to do, an email I need to write, a document I need to read, or even a chess game. It’s as if all the world’s situations cease to exist in that moment of focus, and it is just me and the task at hand. It is hard to describe this intense focus, but there is something quasi-religious and meditative about it.
But this is not easy to maintain, and I most certainly cannot do it for eight hours each day. And so this intensity of focus should be treasured and only spent on the things that truly matter, and this is why it is important to understand that “no” can be a complete sentence.
An interesting, if somewhat uncomfortable, strategy I once heard goes along these lines. Replace ‘I don’t have time” with “It is not a priority”. Would you feel comfortable saying that to someone? Almost certainly, we can always find the time for important things, but it is an issue of prioritization.
